What Children Think of their Mothers
I have been teaching preschool for 23 years. Almost every Mother’s Day I have the
preschoolers make their mother a special card for Mother’s Day. This is a fill in the blank card. It has 8 open ended questions that they
respond to. I take each child out
separately to answer these questions so they are not influenced by answers
given by the other children. The
questions are:
1)
My mom loves to…
2)
My mom is really good at…
3)
I love it when my mom makes me…
4)
My mom is ___________ years old
5)
My mom looks most beautiful when…
6)
My mom taught me to…
7)
If I could get my mom any present in the world,
I would get her a ….
8)
My favorite thing to do with my mom is….
I love to write down their responses just as they say
them. It is a very hilarious activity
but mostly a very telling one. I have
learned much about what children THINK their mothers love and what they think
of their mothers.
When beginning with the first question, I say, “what does your mom love to do?” Usually they will think about that for a
minute and I will say, “what is your mom’s favorite thing to do, what does she
just love?” I always feel sad when some
of them have answered, “talk on her phone,” or “be on the computer.” Not that these things are bad, but that her children
define her favorite thing or thing she really loves with something that
isolates her from them, distracts her or
focuses her attention outside of the present moment. Now, I don’t think mothers should be focused
on their children 100% of the time and never do anything that is not for them,
but I do think that children thinking their mother loves her phone or computer
more than she loves anything else is not the message we want to or should send
to our children-that won’t look that impressive on an obituary.
More common answers to this question are: “make food, play with me, laugh, cook, go on trips, clean, do laundry, do the
dishes, watch kids, go to church, kiss my dad, play games, hug me, and sing.”
I love these answers because if you’re a mother of a child
who thinks you LOVE to do
dishes and laundry, clean, watch kids, play with them and laugh, you are doing
something right. Your attitude about
motherhood is positive. Although being a
mother is the hardest job in the world you exhibit the joy in it. You are happy and content with the amazing
role of motherhood. This is important
for your child’s emotional attachment and well being.
Now this is not to say that when one child answered this
first question with, “ lay down on the couch and do nothing all day,” I believe
everything I hear and judge! I don’t.
The answers to question #2, “WHAT IS YOUR MOM REALLY GOOD AT”, are quite joyful to me well. Sometimes I would have to expound the
question with, “what are your mommy’s best talents?” Their answers include: “working, cooking,
baking, writing her name and teaching my brothers to be nice, showing us
videos, practicing karate, making dinner, doing the dishes, making Indian food,
knitting, sewing, singing, playing games, and babysitting. The
most hysterical answer was, “my mom never did talents.”
Some people may think that a woman loses her SELF in
motherhood but clearly from a child’s perspective, a mother is a hero, one who
can do anything and whose daily mundane jobs become talents in the eyes of her
family.
Question #3, “I love
it when my mom makes…” provides great insight into the importance children
place on having good food and food that makes them feel happy and loved. The top answer over the years has most
definitely been “cookies”. Cookies give
children a sense of contentment, peace and joy.
They mean a lot to these little people who are learning that home is a
place that smells and feels good, is warm, safe and secure. Again it aids in their emotional attachment
and sense of belonging to a family that lives in a special place. Smells bring emotion and fresh baked cookies
or bread bring happy emotions. That
smell can ward off the world and home is a place to drop off all the stress and
worry of the day. Teens also need and
appreciate such things.
Other answers include:
“corn bread, cake, beef stroganoff, spaghetti, cinnamon rolls, pancakes
and waffles, Hashwee (a Lebanese food), sandwiches, noodles, a lunchable (that does take some effort), peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches,” and a totally unrelated food answer, “a present
for me.”
Question #4, “My mom
is ________ years old,” proves that
children have NO concept of age. They
know how old they are and how old their brothers and sisters are but they do
not comprehend that grownups generally have to be t least 20 years older than
them. The children answered this with
ages from “ 11, 45, 16 to 118!” Some of
us started birthing awfully early or very late!!
So when you are frustrated that another birthday is coming
for you or you are not looking quite like you did in your late teens, early
twenties- take heart, kids don’t care.
It’s grownups that compare themselves to each other and worry about
aging. Age means nothing to children. We should all worry about it less and follow
their example.
Question #5, “My mom
looks most beautiful when…” is the fastest answered question of all of
them. All other questions cause the
children to ponder for a bit and sometimes I have to reword or expound the
question to help them think of an answer but this one is always answered
immediately. It’s also very telling
about how observant children are and that they do notice when we make an effort
to look nice, wear make-up and dress up.
I think this is interesting because there are many things that can go
completely unnoticed by children but this is something that is meaningful to
them.
The children always give these answers: “when she’s in her wedding dress, when she
goes to church, when she puts that black stuff on her eyes, when she puts that
purple make-up on her eyes, when she wears her polka dot dress, when she does her hair curly, when she goes
to work, when she puts pretty earrings on and I like her dresses, when Randy (her hair dresser) does her hair, when she
puts on lipstick, when she wears her
beautiful jewelry and when she wears a beautiful dress to a meeting.”
These answers teach us that we should continue or
increase our efforts to keep our appearance nice and that just because we are maybe a stay at home mom,
our children and husbands do notice if we take the time to put on make-up and
look nice. It seems very important also
to keep pictures of our wedding day hanging in a prominent place in our home so
that our children can see that that was a special day where we gave great effort to look our best . It’s our princess moment. We always want our children to think of us,
at least for one second, when they are asked about the prettiest princess they
know-right? Also we teach our children
that church is a special activity when we dress up and we want to look our best
as we worship the Lord. We are teaching
them respect for things that should have respect when we dress nicely for
important things.
Question #6, “My mom
has taught me…” gives important insight into the work mother’s do each day-
that of being a teacher and nurturer. The children said their mothers have taught
them to… “do talents, do the ABC’s, read, swim like a duck, be nice, pump on
the swings, garden, write, spell my name,
ride a two wheeler, tie my shoe, and sing a song.” Once again I do not judge with answers such
as this, “she hasn’t taught me anything, and nothing.’ Don’t lose heart, I’m sure it’s just because
they didn’t understand the question!
Imagine a world where mother’s didn’t teach their children
the simple lesson of being nice or swimming like a duck. Mother’s influence is crucial to society.
This whole question card proves that mothers are teaching
things everyday intentionally and unintentionally-attitudes, respect for others
and self, doing your best etc. etc.
When I give Question #7, “If
you could get your mom any present in the world what would you get her?” I expound with the fact that they would have
a whole bunch of money and could go to any store. Their answers also prove that children do NOT
care about money or comprehend the price of anything. They do not see the value in expensive
things. The cost does not make an item more special. Over the years I have never
had a child say “a car, a house or a boat.”
Their answers are: “a wallet, new shoes and tall ones, gum, some
flowers, new earrings, new braclet and necklace but I’d have to go to two
stores, a pretty sparkly dress, an apron, chocolate, a book, a big cookie
machine, flowers, a smoothie maker, and a lovely Elsa dress.” Thank heaven’s for Frozen, it helps in so
many ways!
This can give us all a lesson about how it is again
comparing ourselves to other grown-ups that we start to feel inferior about our
incomes or all the “stuff” we have or don’t have. Children don’t want stressed out parents
because they have overextended their budget trying to “keep up with the
Jones.” If we do that we cannot say,
“it’s all for our children, we want them to be happy.” They are happy with flowers!
The answers to the last question, “What is your favorite thing to do with your mom,” give us the most
important information we need about how to raise our children. All they want from us is our time. That is how they feel love. They don’t want expensive things, they don’t
care about living in a big house or having fancy cars and they don’t care how
old we are. They are simple and want
their lives to be simple. They want us
to simply BE THERE and give them our attention. Their answers are: “ play Uno that’s a
really hard game, crack eggs open, go to Boondocks, play with her, make food with her, play marbles, pick up
snails in the garden, play with her and my sister, play legos, bake
cookies, play games, go on a picnic, read
a book, and make dinner. “
Just remember your children think you are the best. You are perfect in their eyes. You are their hero and their happiness. Don’t be too hard on yourself about all the
things you think you are not doing right or good enough- let their opinion
matter most and to them you are everything!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY-YOU TRULY HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!
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